Validation is like a hug to our soul. It signals we’ve been heard and we matter. But like anything worth pursuing, too much of a good thing turns that healing hug into a death grip.

Some validation is meaningless. And other alleged validation is just plain mean – think social media. So instead of showing how brilliant you are or helping you through a tough time, it backfires and does the opposite.

The Validation Balance Beam

If you watch women’s gymnastics, you know who Simone Biles is. Even though her husband did not when they first met online. 😊

There are not enough adjectives to describe Simone’s gymnastic skills. After 7 Olympic medals and 30 World Championship medals, this mind-blowing athlete sure doesn’t need my recognition.

But her career embodies what validation should be all about, especially when she pulled out of the women’s all-around final.

The nasty side of social media blasted the Olympian for “giving up.” After returning to competition, Simone said, “What success means to me is different than before.”

She walked away, head held high and came back to competition on her terms, racking up more medals. What could be more validating than that?

Belief in yourself is the best validation.

Staying on Top

Validation is a balance beam of internal and external affirmation. You need both to stay on top.

How do you spot the meaningless so you can avoid self-inflicted shots to your hard-earned work or psyche? Use the following measurements.

1. Know your best self.

Before you assess feedback, you should know if it’s a good fit for you. After all, who knows you better?

I am working on a new website that represents this latest phase of my life. I struggled with all that I read and feedback I received on how the theme should be set up.

• You should do X so you target the best audience.
• Google doesn’t like when you do X, Y, and Z.
• But I finally said to myself, “I don’t care.”

The information wasn’t bad advice. I was simply in a different place.

At the start of my freelancing career, not receiving validation on my current approach would have been a good thing. But now, my reason for taking this path has nothing to do with the goals of a new career.

When this post first published, I shared a comment from a fellow writer who said the decisions you make are yours. Don’t let someone else tell you that you’re doing it wrong. Amen.

At that time, he also took a hiatus from blogging. A man true to himself.

Who knows? I may flip the script down the road. Repeating my mantra, the best thing about plans is you can always change them.

2. Weigh the value.

We all measure success in different ways.

• Number of shares or comments
• Thousands of followers, friends, or connections
• The highest sales in ebooks

Social media platforms constantly experiment with various forms of recognition.

• The now defunct Klout score
• All the likes, love, and care clicks
• LinkedIn lazy person’s recommendation – endorsements (can’t tell how I feel about it, can you?) 😉

Plenty of people will line up to validate the latest marketing approach. Validation without value is just noise.

So, stay true to yourself. How you measure yourself is what counts. And like my situation (and Simone’s), how you define success changes. Did you like how I compared my situation to Simone Biles? 😊

3. Consider the source.

Does it amaze you how many people who know zilch about your circumstances have so much to say? Sure, someone you’ve never met can offer valuable insight. But that person takes the time to learn more about your issue.

External validation should be credible, fit your situation, and come from a motivation to help. When considering the source, look for the following three traits.

Credible Source

If you do not know the source, do your homework.

• Is their background and experience a good complement to your issue?
• Do they offer evidence to support suggestions?
• Are suggestions timely and relevant?

Fit Your Situation

Validation is relevant when it fits your situation. In my example about this new phase of my writing life, information from my business writing does not apply to what I am doing now.

You are the best judge of whether proposed fixes fit. Trust yourself. If your plan misfires, change it.

Motivation

Social media helps put the mean into motivation. Trolls and people who are not comfortable in their own skin love to invalidate what others do. Most are easy to spot but beware of the more subtle criticism and the root source of its disapproval.

What do you think? What ideas do you have about validating your approach? Share your thoughts in Comments.

Credit: Bigstock Photo
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In 2010, I joined the Ultimate Blog Challenge – blogging every day for 30 days. This post originally published on August 26, 2010 under the title, How Badly Do We Need Validation. This February 8, 2024 version updates it.

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